We didn't know Snowy as a kitten, but we're pretty convinced that she would have looked like this.In approximately late 1991, a small white furry flea infested kitten was tossed out of a moving car in L.A. It landed near a man who picked it up and convinced his friend Andy Beam to take the kitten. Andy Beam was a hang gliding instructor and lived in a rental house that was owned by his employer Joe Greblo of Windsports International. Andy named the kitten Snowy. Andy gave the kitten a safe place to live and fed and petted the kitten.
In early 1992, Andy moved into an apartment complex where he was not able to have pets. He left Snowy in the rental house under the care of one of it's occupants - Jim - who made sure Snowy was fed properly.
Mid 1992, Jan and I moved to LA where I had taken a job with Joe Greblo. He offered his rental house as lodging, so we moved into the back half of the house.
When we moved in, we noticed Snowy but she was a 'stand offish' cat. Jan took extra time to spend with Snowy and before long, she was shadowing us and sleeping with us every night. We certainly had made a friend.
In March of 1993, we decided to move back to the Outer Banks of NC and after asking all parties involved (Andy, Jim, and Joe) we decided to take Snowy with us.
Snowy did not like cars. I suppose I would not like cars either if I was tossed out of a moving one early in my life. We had to trick Snowy into our van as we left LA. Joe held her beside the passenger door after we were all loaded up and handed her through the window to Jan and off we went toward the east.
Our '79 Chevy Van had a raised bed in the back and and that's where Snowy decided to spend most of the trip. She got car sick in Arizona and puked on the bed, but she really enjoyed looking out the window and watching the trucks go by.
We stopped in Lubbock Texas to see some friends of ours - Jerry Forburger and his wife Toni. We stayed for one day and we let Snowy live in the van during that day. I had purchased a harness for cats for Snowy so that I could walk her without losing her in unfamiliar territory. Of course, she was very scared outside the van, but I wanted to her to 'get out' for a few minutes. As soon as she hit the sidewalk, she slipped right out of the worthless harness and started running toward the street. I dove to catch her and barely caught her by the tail - keeping her out of traffic. That was the closest to losing Snowy we ever came.
Snowy pretty relaxed on the back of the couch. We got to the Outer Banks to a 3 bedroom "beach box" that we'd rented between the highways and it was no time until Snowy had the place all figured out. Our bedroom had a door leading to a deck in the back. The deck was 1 floor above the ground with no steps leading down. At night, Snowy would meow at the door from the inside until one of us would get up and let her out. She would then shimmy down the 4x4 that held the deck out and roam around outside at night. Sometime later, she would climb the 4x4 and meow outside the door until we let her back in.
She had a bad habit at this house for a short time. She would go out and lay in the street. Fortunately, our street did not go straight through from Bypass to the Beach Road and so not too many cars used it. Snowy was a very smart cat however - in regards to learning. After just a few times of going out there and scolding her back into our yard, she stopped this behavior and just layed in our driveway.
Snowy had some funny sleeping habits. She would often cover her face while sleeping if the light were bright. She had no problem stretching out and taking the whole couch for herself. When we built the house back in Colington Harbor, I built the cat doors into the house so she could go in and out on her own. She certainly made the Colington Harbor house her own. She knew all the good places to hang out at all times of the day. As time went on in this house, she started going outside less and less - and usually only do her business. It may have had something to do with out Racoon population. One night, the Racoons were trying to get in the house through the cat door and Snowy held them off. It was so funny. She woke us up meowing very loudly and when we got downstairs to check out what was going on, it was like an old movie where the enemy is storming the fort and there's one person holding them back while screaming for reinforcements. After I turned on the light outside and scared the racoons away, we gave her some caned tuna as a reward. It was funny how proud she was of herself.
Snowy at the top of the steps in the Colington house. She would go to the top of the steps and meow at us to come to bed. After telling her we would come later she would go to bed without us While living in the Colington house, we spent 2 winters in Key West and of course Snowy went with us. I remember the first drive down with her - in 2001 in my long 15 passenger van. Our plan was to drive as far as we could go and then sleep in the van (which had a bed in the back of it as well). Snowy was not a good traveler. I made the mistake of parking in a truck stop - as I'd done many times in my endless travels across the country. This was all new to Snowy and so she stayed up all night constantly telling us about each and every truck that came and went. We got almost no sleep.
That first winter in Key West wasn't so much fun for snowy. We lived in a 'houseboat' of sorts - kinda floating apartments. The only 'earth' that we had access to - was also the domain of a couple of dogs. Snowy had never been 'trapped' inside before and so she only put up with living there. I think she was very happy to get home in the spring.
The second winter that we spent in Key West was 2004/2005. We lived in a slightly larger place, but we were afraid to let Snowy roam outside. It was during this winter that she started pulling out large chunks of fur. This was a behavior that she would continue -on and off - until she died. The vet could never determine exactly what it was. I think it was a neurological thing.
Snowy with a big patch of fur hanging out of her mouth. In June 2005, we moved to Florida and Snowy was of course with us. She took well to the new house. She only went "officially' outside from time to time when Jan and I went with her. We have alligators in the back yard from time-to-time and so we didn't want her to become a 'snack'. We do however have a large outdoor living area with the pool and all - screened in and she very much enjoyed the protection of total freedom in this area. She had her "spots" out there that she deemed her own. In particular, we have a lounge out by the pool that Jan bought a new green full length cushion for and Snowy proclaimed it as 'her spot' the moment Jan put it there.
Snowy would hang out under my desk without me when I was out of town. She spent many hours at my feet while I was working at home. Jan and Snowy had a daily ritual involving the pool area. When Jan was drinking her coffee in the morning, she'd slowly walk around the pool area - while looking out at the 'wildlife' area behind the house. Snowy would follow her around the pool and they'd talk to each other about specific birds, turtles or whatever they saw through the screen.
Crazy Snowy drinking out of the pool. She would crouch down like a lion in the wild. Just before I left to go home at Christmas this past year (2006), Snowy was obviously not feeling well and so I took her to the doctor. He gave her some medicine which seemed to make her feel some better, but she was not her normal self. I returned home on Christmas day to spend with Jan and Snowy. Snowy continued obviously not feeling well for a week. Jan, came down to Miami where I was working the Orange Bowl for New Year's Eve and part of New Years day. She returned home on New Years Day to a very tired kitty. Jan knew then that Snowy's days were short. Jan made the decision to not tell me how bad Snowy was - since while working in TV, you can't just 'go home' for reasons that would not be considered important to others and she did not want me to be thinking about this the whole time.
Jan took this photo with her phone after she was able to get a very sick Snowy to come back up to her shoulder (after much coaxing). Snowy normally spent a lot of time on Jan's shoulder. When I got home on the evening of the 3rd of January, Jan was at work and it was immediately obvious to me that Snowy was very very sick. She was extremely lifeless.
I took this photo shortly after returning home from the Orange Bowl. It was obvious to me that Snowy's time with us with short and I was scared I didn't have enough photos of her. ****I'll put my blog posts about the time from when I got home until we put Snowy to sleep at the end of this post *****
Well, Snowy left us around noon on January 5th. We had a nice lady come to the house to administer her drugs. Just before the lady arrived, Snowy was laying under the dining room table. We, completely aware that we were spending our last minutes with her - decided to lay under the table with her. We watched her breathe and we really think that she wasn't going to last more than a couple of hours on her on. In fact, we were wishing that she would pass right then.
Under the table The lady came and explained to us what she was going to do. First, she would administer a sleeping agent and after Snowy was asleep, she would put a drug into her vein that would stop Snowy's heart. I still have a small amount of emotional anger about how it went. My anger is emotional and non existent when I think it out. The lady said that it would take 3 - 10 minutes for Snowy to go to sleep. So I had prepared myself to say goodbye to her after the sedative shot and as she was drifting off to sleep. Well, it didn't happen that way. The lady held Snowy on her lap while she was giving her the sedative shot in her shoulders. She said she would do this so Snowy would associate the slight pain of the shot with her and not us. I resisted this - even saying that it was important that Snowy be in Jans arms as she was falling to sleep. The lady said there would be time for this.
Snowy was administered the sedative and was handed to Jan - who was sitting on the couch in their 'normal' spot. Within 15 seconds of getting the shot - Snowy was asleep. I wasn't 'ready'. It happened just too fast!. The lady said that she'd obviously been fighting the illness for a long time and her body was ready to be asleep (Snowy hadn't hardly slept in days). My brain tells me that the lady had no idea that Snowy would sleep so fast. My heart has me mad (just a little) that I didn't get to tell her goodbye the way I wanted to. I'm not bitter or overcome by this - but it bothers me.
The lady then injected a drug into Snowy that had her heart stop. Jan was holding her and felt her heart give up. It was a sad moment and Jan handled it much more maturely than did I.
The lady made a casting of Snowy's foot and gave us a special padded pouch kinda thing to transport her to the creamation facility. The original (quickly thought out) plan was to have the lady take Snowy's body with her for creamation. We changed our mind and wanted to handle it outselves. We layed Snowy on her green cushioned lounge chair for a little while - for one last time, then drove her out into the countryside to "All God's Creatures" where she was creamated. We picked her up the next day in her little wooden box and we put her in the window where she loved to spend the sunny part of the morning. We'll bury her in the future whenever we are in a home that we know we'll live in for a number of years.
Snowy's current hangout We still miss her greatly
*****These are the posts from my blog between when I returned home from work on January 3 until Snowy left us on January 5th*******
January 3rd, 2007
http://crossingmeadows.blogspot.com/2007/01/badbad-news.html
I'm sitting here in my living room looking over in the corner at a beautiful white cat whose turned nearly lifeless over the last 10 days or so. Snowy is laying on her favorite blanket – in a spot that she has recently adopted that was under the Christmas Tree until yesterday – when Jan took the tree down. She’s staring off into space and breathing more heavily than normal.
A little before Christmas, Snowy was not acting normal and so I took her to the vet who ran some tests on her. The next day he called me and said that it looked like she was having liver problems.
We gave her medicine a couple of times a day, but she didn't really improve much (except maybe for one day).
Jan called the doctor's office yesterday to take her back in, but the doctor was on vacation and we were referred to another doctor who Jan took snowy to this morning.
The latest tests show severely elevated white cell count in her blood - her body is fighting something very hard - maybe a bad infection, tumor or other cancer.
When I got home from work this evening, I called the doctor to talk to him and asked him to tell me exactly what he would do if he were in our shoes (knowing Snowy's strong position in our family).
He said that she's not likely to recover from this due to her age. There's a specialist in Orlando that he could refer us to for MRIs and all kinds of tests which he said would probably produce no other outcome. Snowy would not like riding all the way to Orlando and back and she certainly would not like the tests. I’m not sure it would be worth putting her through the stress with what all the doctor told me tonight.
Jan's working until 10pm and I've been sitting here crying my eyes out for the last hour - just me and Snowy. I can't believe how hard this has hit me. I knew I loved this cat, but I can't believe how much. I never talk to Jan on the phone when I’m away without asking about Snowy and what’s she’s been doing. Many nights, Jan will have her ‘talk to me’ in the phone. If you’ve met Snowy, you know that she’s a talker. Jan has lengthy conversations with her and I joke that Snowy wins most of their arguments.
We first met Snowy in the summer of 1992 when we rented part of a house in Los Angeles. The former owner of Snowy had to move to a place where he couldn't take cats, so he left here there with the promise that she'd be looked after. Right after we moved in, she adopted us quickly and shadowed our every move in that house. She was an adult at that time and had already been fixed, but we weren't sure how old she was.
When we decided to move back to the Outer Banks, it didn't take long for us to decide Snowy would be coming with us. We packed up our 1979 chevy van and got in. My good friend Joe Greblo handed us Snowy through the window (she doesn't like car rides - so we had to trick her) and off we went to the east.
She got car sick in Arizona and I thought I had lost her in Lubbock, TX when she slipped out of her harness I'd put on her for walking her.
She then took to our new rental house between the highways on the outer banks quite well. Our bedroom there had a deck outside the door that was 1 floor up above the ground. There were no steps that led down to ground level. We used to let snowy out at night - through that door and she would claw her way down the 4x4 support that held the deck up and then later, she would scratch at the door and we'd let her back in. She was quite an 'able' cat back then.
When we built the house in Colington Harbour, I put in 2 'cat doors' - one that went from the deck into the screened-in room. That one was a 'critter proof' door - where she had to be wearing a special magnet on her color for the door to open. I did this to keep other cats and racoons out of the house. The other door, went right through the wall from the porch and into the house. It's funny, when I look back on it, I didn't hesitate to build the house around that little door so she could come and go as she wanted.
Snowy RULED that house. It was certainly hers. She had all her spots all over the house that she would visit during the day. Many of her spots were of course determined by the daily sun positions. I remember a nightly ritual where Snowy would go down to her food dish on the bottom floor, then come back up to the living room – on the 2nd floor – head over to the bottom of the steps that went up to the bedroom and then just meow at us as we sat there watching TV. There was no doubt what she was saying – she was saying “hey, let’s go to bed”. She would sit there until Jan would say “go on, you go to bed and we’ll come up later”. She would then bound up the steps to the top landing and look back down and meow a couple more times before heading to the bed.
When we moved to Florida, she seemed more stressed than back in NC. She pulled her hair out for over a year until the doctor gave her shots to get her to stop. We think she has liked it here too though. She’s got the special places around that house that we know she’s likely to be. In the mornings, she lays on the couch with us while we’re having coffee, then after we get up, she heads for the big window on the east side of the house and lays in the super wide window sill there and sleeps the morning away. After the morning sun is gone, she’ll either move back down on the couch or sometimes back to our bed. When the temperature is right, she likes laying out on the lounge by the pool. It was ‘her spot’ the moment Jan brought the green cushion home for it. She’s also enjoyed chasing, catching and eating the tails of the geckos that live inside the pool enclosure.
Snowy and I have developed our own rituals over the years. Since the first house on the Outer Banks, where I had my first “in home” office, she’s spent the mid afternoons with me – laying beside my desk as I worked. It was very ‘Irish Setter’ like of her, but she seemed content to come keep me company through the many hours, days and years I worked at home - in every house since then. That was always very special to me. Jan would come into the office and say “are you keeping your daddy company?” and I would always make like it was no big deal by saying she was just hoping I would get her food, but she and I knew that even after I’d get her food, she’d come back in and lay down by the desk and go to sleep. It sure made me feel important that this cat wanted to hang out with me. When I'm out of town, Jan says she goes into my office and meows for me.
At night, we ALWAYS go to sleep with Snowy’s head on my hand while I gently move one or two fingers to scratch her head around her ears. After I go to sleep, she moves over to‘spoon’ with Jan the rest of the night, but she’d always hang with me until I was asleep. She’s not done this but once in the last 10 days. There’s no doubt something’s really wrong. Maybe she'll sleep with her head on my hand tonight. I pray so. It may be her last night with us.
I think it’s probably good that I have these 5 hours tonight between when I returned from the Orange Bowl and when Jan gets home – to grieve and spend some time with Snowy – just me and her. Jan is going to be a wreck as we make the decision tonight and I can’t be a wreck as well. Who knows, we may decide to give her another day to see if she gets better, but she’s obviously not a well or even comfortable kitty.
This cat has been Jan’s CONSTANT companion for 14+ years. It’s going to be SO hard.
For now, I’m going to annoy Snowy by paying too much attention to her. She looks so frail and you can tell it’s hard for her to even get up and change positions. She’s gone from a 10 pound cat to an 8 pound cat in less than 2 weeks.
We knew this day would come – but that certainly hasn’t made it any easier.
UPDATE: We've decided to give it another day. We're so conflicted - afraid that possibly we're acting too early and also worried that we're being selfish and just wanting to keep Snowy around. Jan said that she can take the day off on friday and if snowy isn't better during today (thursday) we'll have the doctor come here to the house - so we don't upset Snowy more by taking her for a car ride. This is just so sad and so hard.
January 4th, 2007
http://crossingmeadows.blogspot.com/2007/01/this-is-just-too-hard.html
I can't believe how hard I've been crying for the last hour. I wish Jan was here. She's working and I think Snowy's mad at me.
Around 6 pm I decided I should try to make her eat some more of the high calorie paste that the vet gave me today. I put it in a turkey injector syringe thing to make it easier for me to handle with one hand.
I sat on the kitchen floor with Snowy thinking it would be the best place in case I made a mess. The next 5 minutes didn't go as I planned. She didn't want it and I kept begging with her to let me feed it to her and then to God to let her decide to eat it. I'm so afraid that this may be her last night here and I don't want it to be with her and I scuffling over food that she should be eating. It didn't end well - with this paste all over me and her and her pissed off at me. I've been crying ever since in completely uncontrollable sobs and begging her to forgive me. I don't know what to do.
I had earlier let her go under the bed - which, since she's been sick - is where she would stay all the time if we'd let her. When I went in after a few hours, she was sleeping hard. I could see her side moving up and down, so I knew she was still with me. Snowy has always woken up fairly easily and predictably when we call her name. I called her and she didn't respond. Then I reached under the bed and rubbed her and she still didn't respond - which is not fathamable. It wasn't until I was sliding her out from under the bed that she woke up and then it took her quite a while to get her bearings.
After her getting mad at me for making her eat the paste, she went into my office and layed under the desk. Jan says she feels safe in there because she sees me as her protector. I'm having real problems with this right now because I can't do anyting to make it better. How can I be her protector when not only is she feeling bad, but I'm trying to force food that she doesn't want into her mouth. I don't know if I can do this again. without Jan here. I don't want her associating me with forced anything. I already always felt bad when taking her to the vet because of how much she doesn't like it.
This cat has given her all to us for nearly 15 years. I want to do what's right for her and I don't want to be selfish at all. I owe it to her to do the right thing. I'm just having such a hard time deciding what that is. I think possibly I've already made a big mistake. We'd together resigned ourselves last night that today was probably the day. This morning I kept looking for any sign that things were better - to the point where I was probably seeing things that weren't there. Now, after waiting on Snowy hand and foot all day (both of us), I'm back at the same point I was last night, but it's even worse tonight. I so worried that she's mad now.
I've just gone into my office and brought her into the living room with me. She's laying on the couch beside me with short shallow breaths making her side go up and down. She's heard me crying out loud and turned her head toward me and said a few things that I'm taking to mean it's okay.
I've not told many people about this, but during the summer of 2005, soon after we moved to Florida, I went into a depression of sorts. It came on slowly, but by late summer, I was hardly leaving the house daily. I've found out something about myself since that time - I'm a project person - I always have to have something on my plate - something to turn my daily attention to. After moving to Florida, I had no project and I didn't know anyone here to help spur my brain into thinking of a project. Slowly, I started to just do nothing. Snowy was my best friend during that time. Often, when I needed it most, she would jump into my lap and require my attention. Making her purr was a project that she'd give me a few times a day. The opportunity to go to California and build houses was presented to me toward the end of the summer and my depression is the main reason I went. Jan and I decided that I needed a project.
Snowy was there when I needed her then and I'll be here for her now in any way that's right.
I just read on the internet about euthanasia with cats. It says that they have no concept of death and that it's painless except for the needle in their leg. It seems like she knows she's either very sick or dying now.
I just got her some more asparagus juice (which she has always loved) and she drank a little and then layed back down beside me. I hope she'll go to sleep. I gave her some 'underneck kisses'. That's my thing with her. It has always annoyed her when I would force them on her, but she seems content to get them now. I got that from my mom and I passed it on. Mom used to make me squirm with underneck 'sugar' when I was little and I have done that with snowy. I guess now I'm doing it more gently and she seems to like it. She knows it 'our thing'.
I think she's not mad at me anymore.
January 5th, 2007
http://crossingmeadows.blogspot.com/2007/01/today-is-snowy-day.html
Last night, Jan and I decided that today would be Snowy's day. She's gotten worse and we can't bring ourselves to allow her to be in the level of discomfort that she is in any longer.
Jan and I laid in the bed last night talking about our fond memories of Snowy - from when we first met her and how she took to us so quickly. We'd like to think that it's because we were meant to be together - and so that's what we're going to think.
This morning I got up and decided to make the most of our time together. Jan and I both took showers and put on some good clothes for a family photo. You can see it at the top of this post. We're both trying not to cry too much. I feel like I'm failing Jan. It seems she's spending too much time comforting me and I know this has to be even harder on her. She had a bond with that cat that was very very special.
At 11:30, a lady will come to the house and administer Snowy's injections. We didn't want to have Snowy's final hour to be stressful for her and she doesn't like car rides. The lady will take Snowy's body with her for cremation and we'll get the ashes back. The reason we're doing this is that we know we will not stay in this house for too much longer and I don't want to bury her here and then leave. We'll bury her at our next home if we feel it will be a long term place for us. Until then, we'll probably keep Snowy in her favorite window sill.
January 5th, 2007
http://crossingmeadows.blogspot.com/2007/01/goodbye-snowy.html
Snowy left us at noon today. We loved her.
:(
Snowy Meadows
1991 - January 5, 2007
One Week Later: January 11, 2007
http://crossingmeadows.blogspot.com/2007/01/moving-forward.html
This last week has been the worst of our lives. It will forever change the way I look at someone who has just lost their pet.
We're doing okay and moving forward. We talk about Snowy a lot - almost all in a good way. We're trying to not be sad more than necessary - but sometimes it just HITS you hard. Everything from the normal habits of walking in the house and calling her name to my our nightly ritual (one of them) of me saying "you ready to go to bed snowy?" and her moving to the same spot on the couch waiting for me to pick her up and carry her. We would then rub foreheads all the way to the bedroom.
Jan is really missing Snowy sitting on her shoulder. She didn't actually SIT on her shoulder, but she would crawl up in Jan's lap and then climb up and put both front paws on her shoulder and rub her head agains Jan's while she purred loudly and spoke softly. Jan says she can feel her there sometimes.
Still, it's time to look forward.
If this all seems silly to you - then I'm very happy that you've never experienced it. With great love comes great sorrow. Everyone who knew Snowy knew that she was a special cat.
I'm going to make a little memorial page for Snowy with pictures of her and I'll link to it on the right side of the page - under the link to my calendar. This should be my last "Snowy" post in the context of the blog.
Jan wrote this for Snowy on Monday and she said I could put it on the blog:
Favorite Things
Sleeping in the sun
Sitting on my shoulder
Biting my freshly shampooed head
Laying beside me
These were your favorite things.
Sleeping on your daddy’s hand
Eating tuna from a can, asparagus too
Laying on the lounger by the pool
Lying by your daddy’s desk while he worked
These were your favorite things.
Hearing your sweet meow
Resting my head on you while you purred
You sitting on my shoulder
Your unconditional love
These were my favorite things.
Resting your head against mine
Burying my nose into your fur
Watching you sleep
Being my shadow, best friend and sweet baby
These were my favorite things.
I will miss you.
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